Facing fear

Someone gets it.

We are constantly arriving at intersections where a decision can determine our next leg of the journey. Do we go left or right? Up or down? To the side or around the long way? My journey in the last few months has been full of taking the high road or digging in my heels (I mean, I did just get a pair stilettos).

Yesterday and today, I pulled Deer from one of my oracle decks. In this deck, it means gentleness. I have been trying my best to hold to that message. Its hard. I experienced several stages of grief in rapid fire yesterday. Again, the fear. The fear. THE FEAR. My fear overrode everything. I started shaking visibly. It was hard to write my initials. I was sobbing uncontrollably and I was the only one that could support me. I reached out to my support network and got a few virtual hugs. I cried a lot. It reminded me of another breakup in college where the other party broke it off. I cried and basically had a melt down outside.

I reserved a Flote (salt water bath) and before I went to that, I did some art. I created a collage of messaging. It was in those moments of creating that I realized I have to continue being my own cheerleader. No one else is able to be that close to what is going on and totally understand what is needed other than myself. I am not discounting the support network at all. I am simply advocating for myself. And that is a big step forward in this healing journey. Where will your next decision take you? Only you will know.